Experiment Fail.

Alright, so the daily writing thing has gone awry, BUT instead of mindless chatter I wrote some short stories and entered them into some competitions, which I probably won't win. But at least I tried. Or something.

I felt that instead of continuing to be the hyper critical sofa based writing expert that I currently am, I would submit something that I've made for approval and see what happens. If they don't like it, then they're wrong.

Much as I love arbitrarily assigned marks between 60 and 70, (Which is sadly what degree level creative writing starts to feel like) (No offense directed toward Trezza Azzopardi, shining light that she is.) (I mean this seriously, shes brilliant) But everyone else, primarily Vikram Kapur, who is a bit of a bell chuff, again, serious, applies what is at best an entirely non specific, generic mark scheme in what can only ever be a subjective analysis of formal techniques. Anyway, this rant can only really apply to a few unfortunates, so I will stop.

So today, let's talk about the largest animal you could have in a fight.

Someone I spoke to yesterday insisted she could have a horse in open hand combat. I believe this to be an absolute lie.  For a start, Horses are fucking massive and if they kick you, that shits going to hurt.  More than falling off a table onto your face. Here are some statistics:

Ricky Hatton is capable of delivering a punch with a train weight of 400KG.
A Horse is capable of kicking a bucket off a fence.

So there it is. Categorical proof you can't have a horse. And that the internet sometimes doesn't yield all of the facts that you require of it.

If you ask me, the largest animal you can hope to defeat is a large dog, at a push. Not including animals so docile that they won't fight back. Like a giant tortoise. Which would only retreat into it's shell.

Someone stipulated that you could simply flip the tortoise when I recently brought this issue up in pub chat. My response was that the animal has to participate in the fight, engage. A tortoise would not. And in reference to 'flipping the tortoise' which someone so whimsically suggested, they can weigh up to 300KG. The world record for a dead lift is 504kg so while you could argue it's possible, the man that lifted said weight was 6 foot 3 and 175KG.

The fall out of this is simple, even if you were fighting a giant tortoise (which you shouldn't because it's so placid) you couldn't flip it unless you are Lithuanian and huge.

So there it is, don't shit talk a horse and don't even dare to suggest you could have a badger. I know you were thinking about it.

Shout out to Townley working for the man. The Ladbrokes man.